Fear What You Want

It's the one thing that changes how you live your life. It changes who you are friends with and how you talk to people. It might as well change everything about you. Love is not just a feeling or a word or a description, it's a way of living. When you love someone you tend to change your everyday routine. Instead of going on Facebook and flirting with that cute girl, you are now sitting on your computer updating your status about how much you love your girlfriend. Or instead of going out to the club with the rest of the girls, you are now sitting at home on the phone with your boyfriend talking about what you like and don't like. Love is such a strange thing when you think about it. It changes your whole mind set, maybe even changes the way you look at the opposite sex. For me I don't know what love is, in fact I don't think no one ever will. If I fell inlove with someone how would I know I even did. Is it just because I care about them and have these strong feelings for them and seeing them makes me happy? Maybe its just something no one is suppose to actually know, but something everyone interprets on their own. We all want love but when we get love we are afraid of it. We are so afraid of loving someone, caring for someone, and being with someone. The idea of being together in serious commitment is scary for some people, yet being alone is even scarier. When you actually look at it though, what are you so afraid of? A person caring about you or is it the idea of love that is scary? I don't mind if I never fall inlove, the factor of me feeling some strong emotion for someone is just what I want to endore. Love can change people, hurt people, and show the true colors of people. When really all I want is acceptance from someone. Someone who will trust me, care for me, and like every aspect about me wether its good or bad. I want the sexual connection yet the satisfation of cuddling after a nice dinner. I don't a road that comes to an end because love has taken a bad turn, I just want to keep driving down the road with someone. Thats all I want.

It Just Hurts

This week has gotten better than last weeks, for the most part at least. My friend Mike, who I have been living with, went to Seaside for a week and left me in his house with the rest of his family...Awkward. Don't get me wrong, I'm close with his family but its just weird, hanging out in his house with him not there. He said he was gonna come home to come to my show, but he never said he wanted to stay in Seaside. Eventually he came back, but I made it a point to sleep out that night. He begged me to come stay with him rather than move with my family yet he hasn't been here.Things just started off rough. I planned a scavenger hunt for last night and it actually came out pretty good. We never officially established who one, but it doesn't really matter cause I got Mike to come and that's the hardest thing to do. Getting Mike out of the house to do something is nearly impossible since he always has to pick out the flaws in my plans. Things like that really bring me down, makes me feel like I'm not worth hanging out with. In fact now that I look at it, nothing went good at all the last week. I mean I got out of the house but my mind just wasn't in the right spot. I've been thinking way too much about Love, Friends, Leaving. I cant leave all this behind yet i need to. I feel if I got away from everyone it would give me a chance to breathe. I only have 4 weeks left in this place and I need to stop bitching and make it worth while.

Super Bass - Nicki Minaj (Cover by @KarminMusic)

The New Horizon

So finally its been weeks later, but I am actually all moved into my best friends house. Of course I love it because its something new and exciting, plus his family is awesome. Though I do miss my own family a lot, I make whatever spare time I have to go visit them. This past week I've had so much to do. Between getting ready for this show with Cities & Years on Friday, working all the time, and trying to equal out my friendships, I feel like I've been constantly moving and haven't found the time to just sit. Today I tried to take my time before heading off to work, because I feel like I'm being rude to my new family. Since I never really sit down with them or talk to them much I figured I'd drink coffee and eat breakfast with them. Of course that didn't go as planned since his parents weren't home and his brother and sister sat in separate rooms. Time came to go to work and thats when I started to rush. Just then his sister turned to me and said "your always going in and out, in and out." and of course I know this and feel bad about it. I just proceeded to joke about it saying how busy I was. I just hope his family doesn't get the wrong impression of me since I really would like to converse with them.

PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYE

Big hype for this Pizza Hut show that is going down this Saturday at the Pizza Hut in Middletown, NJ. Cities & Years with Back and Forth and Civeta Dei. The place is going to be pack, i am a bit concerned about stuff breaking though. I dont want B-Lowe to end up getting fired because we had a crazy show in Pizza Hut. There are plans for the next six weekends for more bands to play. This show should set the bar as to what is going to go down.

Closure In Moscow - Sweet#hart

Closure In Moscow

The Devil Wears Prada - "Born To Lose" Live in HD! at Warped Tour 2011

Unearth - Watch it burn [2011]

C.A = O.J

So by now we all know that if we ever need to commit murder and tell lies so the jury will believe us and send us home free, we can all move to Florida. Seriously though I get they didnt have exact solid evidence point blame on her but look at all the morals that were broken. Shes out partying when her daughter is missing, shes lying to police about people that dont exist, the computer searches that prove what was looked up on her computer over 80 times. The jury cant just sweep that under the mat. The fact that the body was stuffed in a bag and left on the side of the road is no accident. No family finds a child dead and then makes it look like a murder, it only makes things worse. But here is the big thing, shes free and she still doesnt care as to who killed her child. She never once asked for justice for her kid, shes just happy she got off scott free. Now if she didnt actually kill her then who did? Here is what I think happened...Casey went out with friends while her parents said they would watch her. Casey kept calling to find out where the baby was and how she was doing and the parents just told her shes fine shes with our "babysitter". Now mean while Casey's dad neglected to keep an eye on the child and went with his mistress. The child then climbed in the pool and drowned, Casey's dad comes home to find the child and they freak out. Casey finally comes home and is finally told what happened and because of Casey's fucked up childhood her parents convince her to make up a well thought out story. 30 days after the child is dead they report a missing person, by this time Casey's dad had already drove the body out of town and disposed of it to make it seem like a kidnapper killed it. Casey goes through numerous lies because her parents force her to and at the end of it Casey gets let off free. But now when the verdict was given Casey's parents walked out of the court room...but why? was it because they had a plan to protect themselves and have Casey take the fall? or is it because now the finger can point on them for neglecting the child. One day justice will be served.

Casey Anthony's trial for the murder of her daughter is now officially over. The court's closing and final say as to what happens to Casey will be said in court on Sunday July 3rd at 9:00am on In Session.

Summer '11

I thought leaving my house would be easier than this, but in reality it just sucks. I wont be moving far from my friends, least not until August. Since I'll be living with one of my best friends everything will be fine. In August when I leave for school, thats when things will suck. Sure I want to go, but then again I dont want to leave my friends and my music career behind. Of course I'm going to school for music, I just wish I could take all my friends with me.I thought that hopefully after going to Brookdale CC I would be on tour or having a lot more shows, But everything has gone on a holt because of certain line up changes and style changes. Whatever its only 40 min. away and I do have a car, not like I cant ever practice or play shows. Its only for two years anyway, shouldn't be so bad. But July 4th is the last event ever in my house. It's going to be so sad to leave but its a night that needs to be remembered. I guess thats just how life rolls in the end.

1999

Probably the best year ever and maybe the only good year for music. Back then it was all about being different with music, now its either Pop-Rap-"Hardcore"-Indie. Nothing ever stands out, it really all sounds the same. So in memory of 1999..I give you this...

what?

Winner Goes To...

OR

90's Throw Backs

I Set My Friends On Fire - "Astral Rejection"

ISMFOF

New I Set My Friends On Fire has been blowing up, but I've been hearing plenty of different views on this album. Astral Rejection is nothing like ISMFOF's first album. There are hardly any natural instruments in the album and the drums are completely programmed. The transitions that should lead into different parts of the songs are missing, absolutely no transitions at all. The synth breaks are not as catchy as they use to be, now they are more experimental then tradition sounds. Though the album does still keep ISMFOF's original sound, the new styles they add in can either make you love this album or hate it. I personally love this album because it is so different and very noise filled. I am very curious as to how they are performing this album live though.

Trial

Casey Anthony has been on trail for 25 days now for the murder of her daughter. First pictures of her found out at night clubs while her daughter is missing. Casey claimed the child was with a baby sitter the whole time, once the Casey Anthony trial heated up she said the baby sitter took the child. Later investigation proved that Casey made up the story and there was no baby sitter. Casey continues to say that her child drowned in the pool, but Casey's parents keep pointing out that she is continuing to lie. It has come down to where no body is believing what Casey is saying. This cause has caught the attention of almost everyone all over, though there is no solid evidence to prove that it is Casey did actually kill her daughter. That is the hardest part and people dont want this to end up like another O.J case.

Attack Attack! - Pick A Side (New song off the deluxe reissue out July 19!)

Against Me! - The Shaker (Demo)

RIP Ryan Dunn

Ryan Dunn, one of the stars of MTV's "Jackass," has died in a car crash. He was 34.

NBC Philadelphia reports that Dunn and another passenger died in a 3 a.m crash at Route 322 and New Street in West Goshen Township, Pennsylvania.

The news of the death was confirmed by April Margera, mother of "Jackass" star Bam, in an interview with a local radio show. TMZ also confirmed with Margera.

TMZ reported that Dunn posted to Twitter a photo of himself drinking with friends just hours before the crash; it has since been removed.

(via Huffington Post)

Blown is Mind

"The babies in Rugrats don't exist and are products of Angelica's imagination because her mother ignores her and her relationship with her father is shallow and parasitic. In reality, Chuckie died along with his mother, which is why Chaz is such a nervous wreck. Tommy was a stillborn, which causes Stu to sit in the basement making toys for his son that never had a chance to live, and the DeVilles had an abortion. Angelica couldn't decide whether the unborn child would be male or female and thus simply invented the same character in her head twice with different genders."

(via yahoo)

City and Colour - Little Hell - In Studio

City and Colour - FRAGILE BIRD: sneak peak

GO HOME BENNY

Summer is coming and when its summer in Jersey that means the Benny's will be coming. Stupid New Yorkers that just travel to the Jersey Shore that sweat up the beach, bronze their skin, and flash their gold chains. Why even come to Jersey? its not the best vacation spot at all. Though they have been doing it for years, I think its time to go home Benny.

Ah Yes...Real Romance

Really? like what is this... Are Christian's even aloud to do this? i swear the ways people try to find love are ridiculous. What ever happened to going out and meeting new people, blind dating, even using pick up lines. Sure things have changed now because of sites like Facebook, where now most people start talking to someone. But you shouldn't have to result to dating sites because the world is becoming more internet based. The idea of a Christian dating sites just makes things worse. There is always stores about rapists and stuff on dating sites, what if they are on Christian sites. Honestly what can they ask "what church do you attend?" "how much do you love God?" It is completely stupid. The world is just getting even more dependent on the internet. Plus I'm sure if they were real Christian's they had to have died during the rapture.

I've Got Something To Say

I THINK SHE IS BEAUTIFUL.

I THINK I CAN TREAT HER RIGHT.

I THINK WE CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

I THINK I CAN BE YOURS & YOU CAN BE MINE.

Why We Hate You

Girls are great. There are so many out there and most of them aren't even attractive. Of course the cutest, hottest, most beautiful girls, the ones you would die for but they all have boyfriends. You just get so pissed cause their boyfriend probably doesnt even like you he just wants to fuck you. Then theres the ones who are hot, no boyfriend, and you dont know why. Until you get with them, then you realize they are the biggest fucking sluts, hoes, bitches they can ever be. Truth of the matter is they are all like that. Sluts are the main cause of Bitch. You see, Bitch is just as much of a disease as Slut is. Not every girl is has the Bitch disorder, most of the time they have a right to be mad at things. But the Slut disease causes the Bitch disorder. If girls weren't so God damn slutty then they wouldn't have Bitch disorder. all Bitch disorder does is drag you down, break your soul, and make you not trust any girl ever again, just like Slut disease. As for the girls with boyfriends, they are just Dumb Bitches. Its one thing when you know the boyfriend and you know he's worth them being together, but when its some scum bag tool than you honestly know that she is a Dumb Bitch cause she can easily be with you.

So just to clear things up for you; Girls are fucking amazing, Dumb Bitches, Bitches, And Sluts should just go fuck themselves on their own islands.

(Fuck Everything Man) Thats What My Conscious Said

I dont care what you think of me, who you think I am or what im trying to do. This is me and this is my life, if your not in it then your probably the reason. I love everyone thats in my life right now, you may not agree but they are all beautiful. They are the ones I love. What I do with my life doesnt concern you, I dont need to tell you how to live your life so stay out of mine. These people have heart, these people have dreams, and these people fucking feel whats real. We dont need judgement and we dont need pain. To live and love is all I ask because we arent invincible, we dont live forever. Dont take us for granted because life is a roller coast and the screws are falling out and when the tracks snap there is no coming back. Hate isnt worth losing a life. I dont care if you hate me or hate my friends because in the end of the day I respect you for what you do. I dont post judgement over your flaws or put your ideals to shame. You are an inspiration for others, you teach subconsciously and unconsciously on who not to be in life. My friends, the ones I love are the only thing I have, they see past the lies and are always there through tough times. You cant take that love away, ever.

I Can Save My Money, But I Cant Save Me

The big question of all is where have I been? Apparently I've been missing from everyones life and let me tell you it sure does feel like it. Summer has already began yet it feels like I lost contact with everyone. Truth is I lost myself. I dont know who I am anymore. Just another self centered asshole who feeds off pain and suffering, least thats what it feels like. The person I am is always who I will be and i know some people cant stand that statement but I think its time to come to the realization that I will always be this way, no good, worthless asshole.I may be hard on my self right now but when all fingers point at you, who do I point to? Lately my family has had a shit tone of problems. My mom and my step dad pretty much have nothing good going for them. They cant support them selves or their kids and the constant fighting needs to end. Some how I become the center of their argument. With my family having no money this kinda leaves me in a shadow where my medical is screwed. Theres a lot of things medically that I need and my family can no longer afford it, causing me to use medicine sparingly. My apologies for not following through with plans with anyone I break them with. Just dont start accusing me and becoming rude because I need to put my family first. The people I have met over the past year have been fucking amazing to me. Even someone my new friends who I may have met within the past six months. Every single one of them are awesome and I enjoy them in my life. Nothing will compare to the one person I want to meet though, my father. I never met him before. I just want to know if he will ever like me, but sometimes I dont give a fuck so he's probably just like me.

WTF FTW

What is this shit i hear that we are all gonna die on May 21st of this year, some possible Judgement Day. God is suppose to choose who he wants with him in heaven and by doing so, May 21st he's going to come take those with him and the rest of us will just rot in hell (Earth) until it ends (12/21/12). This is a scam if i ever heard one. First of all some dude is just putting up signs about this and churches all over are paying him to put these signs up and funding his crazy ideas. Just because someone twisted the words around in the bible to make it seem like Judgement Day is in a two weeks doesn't mean that this guy is right. This is like big news apparently. First the Royal Wedding from the Britt's, then America had to out do that and kill Osama, Now Catholics need some spot light so they are promoting Judgement Day. Sure makes sense Osama is dead, we are waiting for a retaliation but you don't need to say that its may 21st. I haven't even gone to real college yet or even think about enjoying my Summer. Half my friends haven't screwed all the celebrities they have wanted to screw. If May 21st is real then fine nothing I can do about it, just stop promoting this shit. You know people are getting way to into this and they are gonna freak when its the 21st. People get so wrapped up in religion its crazy. But to be on the safe side, everyone should go out and do what they gotta go. Fuck some people, Make some money, Buy somethings, and love each other.

May Dei

Civeta Dei's EP is said to release sometime before the Summer begins. Featuring their single, "29 and Counting" Civeta Dei is excited for this album. But as Dei practices more they soon begin to write new songs to add on to this album. Talk about making another EP this Summer has been going around and creating a actual full length. Civeta Dei does have shows lined up for the Summer and a possible tour, but no dates have been released yet. One show Civeta Dei will be co-heading with BACK AND FORTH is the Pizza Hut Show inside the Pizza Hut in Middletown, NJ. No date is listed but a few bands have been put on the ballet such as; Tom Lake's Acoustic Performance, Cities & Years, and possibly The Mixtape. The show is said to happen sometime around the end of June.

C&Y New:

Cities & Years has been changing up a few things lately. If you haven't heard, their three song EP has been put on hold for lack of recording. No one has been able to get into the studio, let alone contact their recording engineer. With one song left to record, Cities & Years has decided to take a different approach on things. Andrea will not be playing drums anymore, she is not out of the band but she is now playing Keys/Synth and Rhythm guitar. Anthony is still playing bass but no word on who is to play drums yet. This is also putting a hold on shows for Cities & Years but the writing process is in full effect.

NYANNYANNYANNYAN

Dumb Sluts