I soon learned that i think i need to let out my emotions sometimes. Everything that happens in my life gets bottled up and hidden from everyone else to see. I use to think it was fro the best of me but i think it needs to change. Turns out i've been telling myself i have been happy when i really haven't at all. Its like i was tricking myself in hopes that my force of action would actually make me believe it. Truth is that i haven't. Sure my friends make me happy and i love when people want to be friends with me but i think the problem is that i haven't found a happy medium between myself being and other people in my life. Other people can cheer each other up without any problems, its just ten times harder to find out what actually makes you happy. I have tried to talk to people but i don't think anyone see's it as serious as i do. It's like im completely depressed. The one thing that really sets me over the edge when i try to talk to someone about it is when they ask if it was something they did, am i not happy with them. Its not about them its about me. This is all personal being and i just ask for help to find a settlement so im not so upset. I think its the stress that takes hold of me and drains me. I probably stress 85% of my day about what is going to happen to how and if i do something that will cause this. Its like im constantly on egg shells and i cant stop. My main concern is the people that make me happy. If they go then what do i have...nothing.
It's always going to be hard to really express how you feel. And to really find out what really makes you happy. In all honesty I don't think anyone really knows what makes them happy. They pretend they do because then they can keep a smile on there faces. You don't have to open up to everyone. My mom always told me, no matter how close you are to someone or think you are the only one that you can truly trust with your personal life is yourself. Its hard to get yourself out of the little rut you seem to be in. But you have to take it one day at a time and just relax sometimes. Don't think about it too much. You are an amazing kid. Your funny, sweet, beautiful, and your a great time. You know how to keep everyone smiling. Don't bring yourself down too much boo. Your only going to end up hurting yourself in the end.. YOU are wonderfull.
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